well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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