thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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