Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
