my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize