He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
