And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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