If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Panties = found
Randomize
