yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
