yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so let's talk penis.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
