There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
