i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
