distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
