Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
