I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
