haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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