i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Vodka?
Forever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize