I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
