Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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