You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
