If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am naked and annoyed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
