I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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