I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
