She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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