Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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