i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
