i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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