i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
