How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
