so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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