im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
