You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He had one of those small greek statue penises
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
