The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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