We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
