i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
