i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize