he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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