I think I won the penis lottery.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
