I must be too annoying 4 u.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
