i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
