Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
