the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
