My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
