your parents love me but you hate me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
