Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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