You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
