This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You smell like stripper and shame
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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