$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
