If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
