is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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