Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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