I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
love makes seman taste better
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
me + whiskey = a bad person
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
