You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
