dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize