someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
