She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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