I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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