it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
