This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
