Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
