just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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