I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
