I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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