She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
