She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
