I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
