I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
