is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize