therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
