I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
